In recent months, a number of National Health Service nurses making house calls in the rural United Kingdom have been attacked by the leaping rodents. They're now being told to walk in groups or at least carry umbrellas to defend themselves against kamikaze squirrels who have bizarrely begun catapulting themselves out of trees. One district nurse even suffered "reddening of the scalp" after being ganged up on by a duo of squirrels, one of which sidetracked her while another gave her noogies with all four paws.
This is not the first crazy squirrel attack to go down in England in the past year. Recently, a rescued squirrel named Elvis inexplicably attacked his owner, a children's book writer and squirrel aficionado. Before that, an inventor suffered whiplash when a squirrel leaped onto the head-mounted bird feeder he was wearing (we know -- he probably had that one coming).
Let us hope that -- unlike Coldplay -- the crazy squirrels will stay put in the U.K. and not attempt to cross the pond and inspire Americans to live in fear of leaving the house.
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